His mother forced him to fall short with regard to the rights of one of his two wives

If a man has two wives, and his mother forces him to fall short with regard to the rights of one of them, and he gives his wife the choice between staying with him and giving up some of her rights or divorce, and she chooses to stay with him, is it permissible for him to do that?.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no blame or sin on him if he gave her the choice and she chose to stay, rather the blame and sin is on his mother who is forcing him to do this. If he can advise his mother himself, or through the mediation of someone whom she will listen to, and tell her that it is not permissible for her to do this, and make her fear punishment in this world or in the Hereafter, then this is what he must do, otherwise Allaah does not burden any soul beyond its scope. End quote.

Her husband is forcing her to wear niqaab and she wants advice

I wear Hijab but do not wear Niqab, my husband says that if I do not start covering my face then he will divorce me. He says that whatever he asks me to do I should do. I do not want to disobey my husband but to wear niqab would cause me great hardship and sadden me deeply. I guess it is due to lack of eeman that I feel this way but feel that he is trying to force me to do something that I do not want to do. Can you please advise me on this matter.

Praise be to Allaah.  

The evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah indicates that it is obligatory for women for cover their faces. This evidence includes the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way)”
[al-Ahzaab 33:59] 

The cloak (jilbaab) is a garment that the woman places over her head and lowers over her face. 

So you have to fear Allaah in this matter and respond to two commands: the command of Allaah and the command of your husband. Undoubtedly this will be very good for you. This matter will make your husband happy and bring happiness to your home. Feelings of difficulty will pass if you are patient and get used to it. These feelings of difficulty will turn to joy when you see the effect that your way of dressing has on him, so you will be responding to Islamic commands and the command of your husband which is in accordance with the laws of Allaah. You will be closing the door to the shaytaans of those who may look at you, and will also be protecting the gaze of chaste and good people from looking at something which they are not permitted to see. And there are other benefits which you will see and appreciate when you respond to this command. 

Sisters who wear niqaab often come to regret the years in which they used to uncover their faces, after Allaah honoured them with the niqaab. If one of them were to be given all the wealth in the world to uncover her face, she would not do it. We have even seen many chaste women who have left their husbands because they wanted them to take off the niqaab. So think about the great difference between your situation and theirs. Where now can we find a man who is keen to keep his family chaste and covered? There are very few of them. Should we disregard these few or should we appreciate their actions which spread good in society? 

We remind you to fear Allaah, and we remind you of the actions of the believing women when they responded to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)”

[al-Noor 24:31] 

al-Bukhaari (4481) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “When this verse was revealed, the muhaajir women took their waist wrappers and tore them at the edges, and covered their faces with them. 

See also the answer to question no. 21134, which explains the obligation of women covering their faces. 

Your husband should also read question no. 20343, which explains the husband’s duty to offer sincere advice to his wife, and ways of doing that. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her school is mixed and her father refuses to let her leave!

I am a student in a mixed university, here in Algeria all universities are mixed. After Allah has blesses me and I wore hejab I feel like I am distorting the image of a Muslim woman who wears hejab by going to a mixed university. It contains nearly 70% males and the rest are females. Sometimes we are obliged to deal with males in projects, and this forces me to talk to them, as sometimes I need things that I must ask them for. I cannot leave university as my parents refuse totally. 
Please clarify the limits of talking to men. Am I considered ‘forced’ because my parents do not agree to me leaving university?.

Praise be to Allaah.

In several previous answers we have discussed the ruling on mixing at work and in places of study. Please see the answer to question no. 1200 and 103044. 

With regard to your problem, if you cannot leave school because of your social situation, then you must look for another branch or faculty of the university where the opportunities to deal with males and mix with them will be less, because the basic principle of sharee’ah is that if evil cannot be warded off entirely, then it must be reduced as much as possible. 

If you cannot manage to make this change that we have suggested, then you have to observe complete hijab, lower your gaze and be chaste of speech in all circumstances, and reduce the opportunities of mixing with males. If you need something, then ask females for it, and try to work out something with your professor so that your projects will be done with female classmates. 

If that is not possible, then it will be your responsibility to careful and mix less with men; beware of being alone with one of them, even if it is for the purpose of study, and keep your dealings with males to a minimum. If you are able to refuse to mix with them sometimes or for some work, then do that. Let your dealings be serious and do not let them get to know you or let the conversation go beyond the topic of study. 

If you feel that you are becoming fond of someone or he is becoming fond of you, then leave this group and join another, even if your grades fall or your level of academic achievement is affected, within bearable limits. 

Ask Allaah to protect you and help you to avoid temptations both obvious and hidden, and seek help with patience, prayer, fasting and remembrance of Allaah (dhikr). 

See also the answer to question no. 72448.

He studies in a mixed school in a foreign country and is asking about attending “sex education” classes

I am taking a class in high school which is called LMS(life management class). And the topic of sex, condoms, pregnacy pills, Anal sex and other sexual related topics will be discussed. And I am not much of a person of self control and I will get sexually exited if the class is disscusion sex. What i am asking is that is it halal to go to this class? Should i drop out of this class and go to some other class that is not LMS? Is it halal to disscuse sex, and anal sex in a mix envirement? What if i dont pertispate in this discussion? I am in public school, and i am forced to go by my mother. I am trying to convince her of homeschool but she will get mad and refuse. So is going to this school halal? What can i do about this, if i cant change the type of school i go into?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Western societies have become the worst disgrace in human history, with perverted and deviant behaviour and corruption of human nature. “Sexual madness” has become the preoccupation of all classes of society, and not even their children in their homes or schools are safe from them. Conferences are being held and resolutions are being passed about the “necessity” of spreading “sex education” in the schools of those deviant societies. They are not content only to corrupt themselves, but they are also hastening to spread it to the Arab and Muslim countries so that they will follow in their footsteps of temptation and perversion, so some of those who were deceived by them followed them in that, and Allaah saves whomever He wills by His guidance and help. 

The one who wants to save himself and his family should not agree to be a part of those societies, or to live among them, and he should refuse to take part in what they are doing of haraam things, evils and perversions. 

Wise people in those societies have spoken of the necessity of separating male and female students in schools. They have seen the many evils that result from this mixing, and some of them attribute those evils to moral corruption, and others to education. Whatever the case, mixing in such places is forbidden in our sharee’ah. Islam brings that which is in the best interests of both individuals and societies, in both spiritual and worldly matters. 

Secondly: 

What you mention is something to which we have previously drawn attention repeatedly, and it includes three issues: 

(i)                Living in kaafir countries

(ii)              Mixing in education

(iii)            Studying “sex education” 

We will pause briefly here to say: 

Teaching about matters of sex and related issues to male and female students at an early age leads to many evils, including the following: 

1.

Premature sexual development among male and female students. It has been proven that many students do not wait until they reach the stage when this subject is taught, rather they hasten to borrow the books from their friends before they reach that stage!  You can imagine the extent of the evil that can spread as a result, especially when older students take advantage of younger ones to put what they have learned into practice, as happens in those morally and religiously corrupt societies. 

2.

The spread of illegitimate pregnancy among female students at the secondary and university stage. Numbers have reached remarkable levels, and this situation has led to the involvement of some educationalists to put a limit on this matter, but how could these wise people reform a sex-crazed society?   

The ratio of illegitimate children has risen to a dangerous level. The government office of statistics in France states that the number of illegitimate births rose to more than half of all births in France in 2006 (50.5 %), for the first time in the country’s history. Similar situations are developing in Britain and America. 

3.

There has been an increase in cases of rape among students. There are many well known cases, and this matter is no secret to anyone, rather the nightmare of rape haunts all female students and every female student is waiting for the time when it will get her. 

4.

There are many cases of students killing one another, or students killing their teachers, all due to competition in winning the love of a female student. 

5.

There is no longer any shyness or modesty among male and female students. You can see this in the way they are after these lessons, and in their conversations with their families, and in their public gatherings. 

6.

They hasten to put into practice the theories they learned in those lessons, because it is well known that teaching these lessons is something that provokes desire – as mentioned in the question – especially if the teaching is accompanied by pictures or films. This is what makes the students eager to try it out in real life, if only to discover that which was unknown, then it quickly turns into a frenzy, and if a person cannot practise it with the opposite sex he will practise it with the members of his own sex, and thus perversion spreads. This is happening a great deal in those societies, and they now have institutions and associations that defend them and demand more rights and privileges for them. 

Thirdly: 

For all these reasons, we do not think that you or any Muslim should live in those deviant societies, let alone study in their mixed schools, or attend those provocative and evil “sex education” lessons. 

If this is the knowledge that they are teaching, what bad knowledge it is! 

Listen to the testimony of an American female doctor who worked in an Arab country, and saw the state of her own country, and realized what was wrong with the spread of “sex education” among male and female students in schools. She says: 

If your women in the east do not know some of the secrets of sex that are known by American girls, I would say – with a clear conscience – that it is better for you to remain ignorant than to enjoy this knowledge. We have given our girls lessons so that they will know about sex in detail, but soon one of them will leave the lecture hall, looking for the nearest boy, to practise with him the sexual theories carelessly, as if she is taking part in a play or playing a game. The natural result of that is an increase in fooling about and promiscuity. 

See: Makaanaki Tuhmadi by Ahmad Muhammad Jamaal (p. 93, 94), quoted in Qadaaya al-Mar’ah fi’l-Mu’tamaraat al-Duwaliyyah by Dr. Fu’aad ibn ‘Abd al-Kareem. 

Based on this, it is not permissible for you to attend those classes, and the least that you should do is move to other classes that do not teach these subjects. 

This is the least that you should do, although the basic principle is that living in kaafir countries and studying in mixed schools is haraam and you should leave, especially since your morals may be affected. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Our worries are bothering us a great deal!

My question is about a problem that my husband and I are suffering from, namely that we think about every little thing and we worry a great deal. This is affecting our worship; all the time we think about the worries and problems that we are going through. Is there any solution to this? Thank you very much

Praise be to Allaah.  

I thank you for your trust and ask Allaah to give us and you strength and wisdom, and to show us what is true and help us to follow it, and to show us what is false and help us to avoid it, and not to let it confuse us and lead us astray… With regard to what you asked about, my comments on it are as follows: 

1 –Thinking about the matters of our daily lives, and our private and public affairs is something that is essential and important, it is necessary in order for us to deal with these matters and benefit from them in the appropriate manner. The Qur’aan – which is the word of Allaah – urges us to think, in more than one verse, for example: 

“…and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without purpose…”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:191] 

“And on the earth are signs for those who have Faith with certainty.

And also in your ownselves. Will you not then see?”

[al-Dhaariyaat 51:20-21] 

“Will you not then take thought?”

[al-An’aam 6:50] 

“Have you then no understanding?”[al-Baqarah 2:76]  

And there are other verses which encourage us to think about our affairs and indeed about the life and creation around us. 

So thinking in and of itself is not a problem, rather it is required, important and essential, and it is enjoined by our religion and encouraged by our Qur’aan. 

2 – This “thinking” may become a psychological or social problem if it prevents a person from playing his natural role that is expected of him in life. 

Such as thinking that things are more serious than they really are, or thinking too much about matters where thinking about them will not change anything at all, rather that only causes distress and becomes an obstacle prevents one from taking any initiative, and make him hesitant and confused, and unable to take any decision. 

Thinking may become a problem in shar’i terms if it makes a person go beyond his intellectual limits in thinking about matters of the unseen and things that he can never comprehend, which may open many doors for the accursed Shaytaan to influence him. 

3 – With regard to thinking a great deal about everything and worrying about every problem, this is to some extent a natural thing, so long as it does not prevent you from living your lives in a natural manner. What I mean here is, is this thinking helping you to come up with solutions to these problems that you are facing? Do these situations deserve all the time that you are spending on thinking about them? If the answer is yes, then there is no problem! But if the answer is no, then you yourself are admitting that they do not warrant that, and then you are halfway to solving the problem, which is to identify the problem and take a decision concerning it. Because when we know what the problem is, it is easy for us to find the right way of dealing with it. 

4 – Overcoming these problems needs some discipline and some time. You can make the decision to start and you are able, with the help and support of Allaah, to do that. You have to trust yourselves in this regard! 

5 – I suggest to you that you divide your concerns and problems into three categories or levels: 

·        Concerns and problems that have a direct impact upon your married and social lives in a serious manner that may lead to breakdown in relationships. These must be given their due measure of objective thought and you should try to reach an agreement and settle the matter. They should not be ignored for so long that it becomes too difficult to deal with them.

·        The second level is concerns or problems in which the positive and negative aspects are equal and in which you are involved. In these cases you should pray istikhaarah to Allaah, and it is o.k. to consult others concerning them and to weigh up alternatives, then decide what you think is the solution, bearing in mind issues of sharee’ah and custom, without going to extremes in worrying about it.

·        The third level is concerns and worries that do not concern you at all, because they have to do with other people. It is better not to get involved in them and waste your time with them, because they simply do not concern you and your opinion does not matter. 

6 – The concerns and matters of our daily lives inevitably fall into one of three categories: 

·        Matters which are in the past and are over and done with. We should not worry about these too much, except to the extent from which we can learn from our mistakes and experiences when dealing with things in the future. The past cannot come back and there is no need to worry about things that are over and done with.

·        Matters which lay ahead in the future. It is more appropriate not to think about these a great deal before they happen, because the future is part of the unseen, and all that we have to do in this case is to examine the choices we have in this matter if it comes to pass. When the time comes, we have to put our trust in Allaah and take a decision.

·        Matters of day-to-day life. This is where we attempt to weigh up all the available alternatives, and it is o.k. to consult others with regard to these things and to exchange ideas without going to extremes or worrying too much. In the end, things will turn out as we hope, by Allaah’s leave, so long as we pursue the means of praying istikhaarah and consulting others, and good lies in that which is chosen by Allaah. 

7 – Getting used to this requires some discipline. You could agree with your husband to cooperate in this matter and remind one another when you are worrying more than you need to about a matter. Gradually you will find that you are becoming able to deal with day-to-day matters in an objective manner. 

8 – There is a good book on the topic of anxiety which gives practical means of dealing with this matter, and I advise you to read it. It is called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. 

9 – First and last, have a good intention and pray sincerely that Allaah will give you strength and help you and set your thinking straight.

Women wearing perfume when they attend the mosque

We have noticed at Taraaweeh prayers that some women come to the mosque wearing perfume that has such a strong fragrance that men can smell it if they walk behind or beside them. Some women tried to advise them, but they said that they wore perfume when coming to the mosque out of respect for the mosque. What is the ruling on this?

Praise be to Allaah.

The point of reference for Islamic rulings must be the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, not one’s own opinion, mood, desire or ideas about what is nice. Concerning this very issue many reports have been narrated which strictly forbid this (women wearing perfume when they go out). These reports include saheeh ahaadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade women to wear perfume when they go out of their houses:

Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who puts on perfume then passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance, is an adulteress.”

Zaynab al-Thaqafiyyah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you (women) goes out to the mosque, let her not touch any perfume.”

Abu Hurayrah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who has scented herself with bakhoor (incense), let her not attend ‘Ishaa’ prayers with us.”

Moosa ibn Yassaar said that a woman passed by Abu Hurayrah and her scent was overpowering. He said, “O female slave of al-Jabbaar, are you going to the mosque?” She said, “Yes,” He said, “And have you put on perfume because of that?” She said, “Yes.” He said, “Go back and wash yourself, for I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘If a woman comes out to the mosque and her fragrance is overpowering, Allaah will not accept any prayer from her until she goes home and washes herself.’”

The reason for this prohibition is quite clear, which is that women’s fragrance may cause undue provocation of desires. The scholars also included other things under this heading of things to be avoided by women who want to go to the mosque, such as beautiful clothes, jewellery that can be seen, excessive adornments and mingling with men. See Fath al-Baari, 2/279.

Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said:

This indicates that it is forbidden for a woman who wants to go to the mosque to wear perfume, because this causes provocation of men’s desires. This was reported by al-Manaawi in Fayd al-Qadeer, in the commentary on the first hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah quoted above.

Having examined all this saheeh evidence, there can be no room for debate or argument. Muslim women have to understand the seriousness of the issue and the sin involved in going against this shar’i ruling. They should remember that they are going out to seek reward, not to fall into sin. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.

By the way, we recently read that biologists have discovered a sexual gland in the nose, i.e., there is a direct connection between the sense of smell and the provocation of desire. If this is true, then it is one of the signs that prove even to the kuffaar how precise are the rulings of this sharee’ah which came to preserve chastity and to block the ways that lead to immorality.

Ruling on asking for divorce because of depression

I want to ask about the ruling on asking for divorce when affected by depression. 
Is being far away from one's homeland and family -- which has caused depression for me -- an excuse which makes it permissible to ask for divorce? Please note that before marriage I knew that I would be living in a country other than my original homeland.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

The depression that people feel may be a sickness that needs to be treated and needs referral to specialists; or it may be feelings of distress that may be relieved by doing a lot of acts of worship, remembering Allah, keeping company with good and righteous friends, and keeping busy with beneficial actions. For more information on that please see the answer to questions number 22704, 21515 and 100774. 

Whatever the case, Allah has not sent down any disease but He has sent down a cure for it, and there is a remedy for this depression no matter what type it is. The believer should adorn himself with patience and certainty of faith, and he should turn to Allah a great deal and ask of Him, because the keys to goodness are in His hand. How many believing men and women have patiently borne a sickness or calamity or imprisonment, without feeling the need to commit a haraam action. This is the action of people who are discontent with the divine decree and are not patient in accepting what Allah wills; they hasten to rid themselves of what has befallen them by any means, no matter what negative consequences it leads to in this world or the Hereafter.  

Secondly: 

It is not permissible for a woman to ask her husband for divorce except for a legitimate shar’i reason which prevents her from continuing with him, such as his bad treatment or her being put off by him to the extent that she cannot give him his rights. That is because of the reports narrated by Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Maajah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

And it was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Those who ask for khula’ are hypocrite women.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer (17/339); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’. No/ 1934. 

If we assume that the wife in her state of anger, sickness or depression asked her husband for a divorce, when she calms down she will realize her mistake and ask Allah for forgiveness and apologize to her husband.  

If the depression and hardship stem from her relationship with her husband, because of his bad treatment or because she dislikes him, and this is proven by trustworthy people from her family, then they should try to bring about reconciliation and consult the husband with regard to that, so as to reach a solution which will bring the wife out of the state of depression in which she is living. 

Our advice to the questioner -- who has mentioned that the reason for her depression is being far away from her family -- is that she should be patient and try to get over this crisis. 

Depression -- in most cases -- happens to the person who has too much free time, who is not keeping himself busy with useful work, whether it has to do with matters of the Hereafter or with worldly matters. 

Keep yourself busy by doing useful things; join a circle for memorizing the Holy Qur'aan; get to know trustworthy sisters who are religiously committed and of good character, and work with them in doing good deeds. 

You can make an agreement with your husband that you can visit your family from time to time, and we also encourage your family to visit you as well. 

The husband has to put up with what he may encounter from his wife, and try to support her and help her to get over this crisis. It is essential for the husband, the wife and her family to cooperate so that things may go back to normal. 

As for divorce, stop thinking about it and overcome the depression that you are faced with. Seek the help of Allah and call upon Him a great deal. 

We ask Allah to set your affairs straight and to help you to do all that is good. 

And Allah knows best.