There was an argument between me and my wife because she wanted to work in a bank, and I wanted to tell her “you are like my mother if you do that” but I did not say it for fear of speaking too harshly, but I told her “It is haraam for us to speak to one another if you go there.”
I hope that you can answer the following questions, may Allaah reward you.
1- Sometimes I think that I did not say the words “if you go there.” What is the Islamic ruling on either case, knowing that my intention was that if she went I would be upset with her, i.e., I was threatening her?
2- If I repeat my question or repeat what I said or what I am uncertain about, will I be held accountable for it?
3- What is the ruling on my wife’s pregnancy if there is anything haraam in what I said to her?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
From your
question it seems that you are suffering from waswaas, as you need to do
things twice and you think that you said such and such or that you did not
say it.
The best
ways to treat waswaas are two:
1 – Do many
acts of worship and remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr).
2 – Do not
pay any attention to the waswasah and do not respond to it. See question no.
62839 and
25778.
Hence we say
that basically what you said to your wife is, “It is haraam for us to speak
to one another if you go there”. So you should not pay any attention to any
doubts that arise because of waswasah.
Secondly:
If a man
says to his wife: “It is haraam for us to speak to one another if you go to
such and such a place,” if she does not go there, then he does not have to
do anything.
But if she
does go there, the matter should be examined further. If he intended to
divorce her, then a divorce has taken place, because these words of his come
under the heading of implicit divorce.
If he did
not intend to divorce her – as you say in your question – then he has to
offer expiation for breaking an oath (kafaarat yameen), which is freeing a
slave, or feeding or clothing ten poor persons. If that is not possible then
he must fast for three days.
The basic
principle concerning that is that declaring something permissible to be
haraam is a kind of oath, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
“O
Prophet! Why do you forbid (for yourself) that which Allaah has allowed to
you, seeking to please your wives? And Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most
Merciful.
2. Allaah
has already ordained for you (O men) the absolution from your oaths. And
Allaah is your Mawlaa (Lord, or Master, or Protector) and He is the
All‑Knower, the All‑Wise”
[al-Tahreem 66:1-2]
So Allaah
describes declaring something permissible to be haraam as an oath.
In
al-Bahr al-Raa’iq (4/317) it says: It is known that declaring something
permissible to be haraam is an oath for which expiation must be offered…
This includes saying “It is haraam for you to talk to me” or “talking to you
is haraam”. End quote.
Thirdly:
If a man
says to his wife: “It is haraam for us to speak to one another”, and he does
not say, “if you go to such and such a place,” if he intended to divorce her
then divorce has taken place in this case, whether she goes there or not.
But if he did not intend divorce, then he must offer expiation for breaking
an oath.
Fourthly:
If you say
something or ask a question, and repeat it, you do not have to do anything,
but it is important that the speech be permissible.
Fifthly:
If your wife
was pregnant when you said the words mentioned above, then the pregnancy
does not affect that. What Islam forbids is divorcing a woman when she is
menstruating, but if she is pregnant that does not affect the divorce,
although you did not actually divorce her.
Sixthly:
It is not
permissible to work in a riba-based bank because that is cooperating in sin
and transgression, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) cursed the one who consumes riba, the one who pays it, the one who
writes it down and the two who witness it, and he said: they are all the
same. Narrated by Muslim (1598).
And Allaah
knows best.
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