Does a woman have the right to hit her husband if he mistreats her?

 

Assalamu Alaikum

I know that in Islam a husband is allowed to lightly tap his wife (never
in the face) and only as a last resort if she is disobedient. Can you tell me whether this
is also the case in the event of the husband being disobedient. I was told that she is not
allowed to tap her husband because Islam practices gender inequality.

What is the truth? Please answer as soon as you can because I want to
embrace Islam and my friends and some family members say that Islam discriminates against
women when it comes to these issues.

Jazak Allah

Praise be to Allaah.

We would like to apologize for answering only one of your questions, due
to the fact that our time is short. Now let us answer your question as follows:

If a father mistreats his son, does the son have the right to hit his
father? Why not?

If a mother mistreats her daughter, does the daughter have the right to
hit her mother? Why not?

If a teacher mistreats his student, does the student have the right to hit
his teacher? Why not?

If a commander mistreats a soldier, does the soldier have the right to hit
his commander? Why not?

The answer in all the above cases is: No, and the reason for this is
clear. It is because the father’s position is higher than that of his son, the
mother’s position is higher than that of her daughter, and the teacher’s
position is higher than that of the student. Hence it is not appropriate for the people in
the lower position to punish those whose position is higher. The same applies to husband
and wife: the husband is in charge of his wife, and she has to obey him and not go out
without his permission, otherwise the stability of the family will be destroyed. The
family should have just one leader to steer its course, and that leader is the one who
spends on the family and protects it. The husband is physically stronger and is more wise
than the wife. We can easily understand if he disciplines his wife when she does something
wrong, but we cannot imagine the wife hitting the husband if he is at fault. Would she hit
someone who is physically stronger than she is? Would she hit her leader and protector? At
the same time, the husband is not allowed to hit his wife for every little thing or as he
wishes. If she is at fault or is rebellious, he should first warn and advise her. If that
doesn’t work, then he should withhold conjugal relations and not speak to her, until
she comes to her senses. If that doesn’t work, then he is allowed to hit her, but not
in a painful fashion. This does not mean that her entire body is his to beat as he wishes
– no, and a thousand times no! Islam does not allow him to hit her severely or leave
bruises, or break her bones, or cause her to bleed, neither is he allowed to hit her on
the face (as you pointed out in your question). The hitting that is allowed is within
certain limits and is for the purpose of discipline, not for revenge or to vent one’s
anger. If his wife responds and returns to obedience, he has no right to seek means of
annoyance against her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the
protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the
other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous
women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the
husband’s absence what Allaah order them to guard (e.g., their chastity, their
husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you fear ill-conduct,
admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly,
if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of
annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

If it is the husband who is mistreating his wife, that does not mean that
she should remain oppressed or that her hands are tied. She has the right – just as
the husband has – to warn and advise him, and to remind him to fear Allaah. If that
does not work, she can seek the help of wise people among his relatives and her own, and
they can advise him. If this does not work, then the matter can be taken to a qaadi
(Muslim judge) who can force him to do the right thing – and Allaah is above them
all.

When Islam differentiates between the sexes, it is in the interests of
both, and this is the essence of wisdom. Unlike a man, a woman does not have to pray and
fast when she has her period, out of consideration for her condition.

She does not have to spend on her husband, because he is stronger and more
able to earn a living. In return, she has to obey him and ask his permission before
leaving the house; the reverse does not apply. In the event of a separation, it is the
mother, and not the father, who has the right to custody of the children. And there are
other rulings which are based on an acknowledgment of the differences between the sexes.
Can we then say that this is oppression or unfair discrimination? No, by Allaah, this is
justice and wisdom, revealed by the Wise, All-Aware, All-Knowing, All-Seeing.

We hope that this explanation will make the true picture clearer for you.
Put aside the doubts and confusions of those who are ignorant and hate this religion, and
enter Islam in which there is justice, safety, security and happiness. Peace be upon those
who follow true guidance.